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Post by Shorty Thompson on Oct 17, 2006 17:29:17 GMT -5
>Jeff Foxworthy on Illinois: > >If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you >might live in Illinois. > >If someone in a store offers you assistance & they don't work there, you >might live in Illinois. > >If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his >forehead, you might live in Illinois. > >If you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might >live in Illinois. > >If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in >Illinois. > >If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed >a wrong number, you might live in Illinois. > > >YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Illinoisan WHEN: > > 1. Vacation means going north or south on I-55 for the weekend. > > 2. You measure distance in hours. > > 3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once. > > 4. You often switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again. > > 5. You drive 65 mph through a raging blizzard, without flinching. > > 6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including >weddings). > > 7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both >unlocked. > > 8. You carry jumper cables in your car and know how to use them. > > 9. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. > > 10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled >with snow. > > 11. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road >construction, & It's Hot. > > 12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to a >blue spruce. > > 13. "Down south" means Missouri. > > 14. A brat is something you eat. > > 15. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed. > > 16. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday. > > 17. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. > > 18. You find 0 degrees a "little chilly." > > 19. You know the difference between corn and soy beans at a glance. > > 20. You do not consider Chicago to be a part of Illinois. > > 21. A "hill" is any landmass higher than 20 feet above sea level. > > 22. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all >your Illinois friends. What's not to understand?
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Post by stris141 on Oct 18, 2006 9:49:34 GMT -5
Shorty, I've never been there. But some of those make sense.LOL
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Oct 27, 2006 12:01:42 GMT -5
> > > An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, > > > her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? > > > Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? > > > Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? > > > > > > The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a > > > prostitute...." > > > > > > "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! > > > You're a disgrace to this family." > > > > > > "OK, dad -- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur > > > coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate > > > for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, > > > the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked > > > outside, plus a membership to the country club.... (takes a > > > breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board > > > my new yacht in the French Riviera, and....." > > > > > > "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. > > > > > > Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff." > > > > > > "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a > > > Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!" Steve
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Post by Shorty Thompson on Oct 27, 2006 14:35:19 GMT -5
Skeleton jumps on a harley and starts singing " Bone,,,,, to be wi,,,,,,ld "
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Post by Shorty Thompson on Oct 27, 2006 14:36:21 GMT -5
Skeleton goes to a cook out , why ? He wanted spare ribs .
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Post by stris141 on Oct 28, 2006 0:35:23 GMT -5
LOL Here's some more puns!
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
6. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
7. An invisible man marries an invisible woman; the kids were nothing to look at either.
8. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
9. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
10. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
11. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
12. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
13. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They 're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
14. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Nov 1, 2006 14:25:16 GMT -5
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared an office with several other doctors.
The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."
Steve
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tude
Dog
custom fit hammered and bent
Posts: 76
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Post by tude on Nov 2, 2006 6:35:32 GMT -5
striss i agree with the illinois joke i mean chicago isnt really a part of illinois you know
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Post by shortfuseracing on Nov 2, 2006 12:24:23 GMT -5
Did you hear Ellen Degenerous Drowned?
She was found face down in Ricki Lake....
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Post by stris141 on Nov 3, 2006 15:33:06 GMT -5
LMAO. That's funny!
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Nov 5, 2006 18:50:23 GMT -5
<> A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HANDJOB: $10.00 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meager looking group of men.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "I am."
The man replies "Well go wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Nov 6, 2006 20:53:08 GMT -5
Words Women Use: 1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say,"You're welcome."
8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying "#^@ YOU!"
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong", for the woman's response refer to # 3.
Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology. Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, because they know it's true.
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Nov 8, 2006 10:28:32 GMT -5
>>> A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a >>> >>> walk around the block?" >>> >>> Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat. >>> >>> What's that mean?" asked the child. >>> >>> "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." >>> >>> The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may >>> >>> I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she >>> >>> said the dog was in heat and to come to you." >>> >>> Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, >>> >>> soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to >>> >>> disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on >>> >>> the leash and only go one time round the block." >>> >>> The little girl left and returned a few minutes later >>> >>> with no dog on the leash. >>> >>> Surprised - Dad asked, "Where is Belle ?" >>> >>> YOU'RE GONNA' LOVE THIS!! >>> >>> The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about >>> >>> halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Nov 29, 2006 10:16:28 GMT -5
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. > >>>"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." > >>> > >>>The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. > >>>It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said. > >>> > >>>The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." > >>>Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates. > >>> > >>>The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. > >>>St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" > >>>The man replied, "These are Carols." > >>> > >>>And So The Holiday Season Begins....
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Dec 13, 2006 23:59:00 GMT -5
Dan Rather, Peter Jennings, Cokie Roberts, and a tough old U.S. Marine Sargent were all captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.
Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."
Peter Jennings said, "I am Canadian, so I'd like to hear the song "O Canada" one last time." The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag Musicians and played the anthem. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully.
Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end."
The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."
The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?"
"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.
"What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"
"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in t he ass," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, all the Iraqis were either dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings, and Roberts, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?"
"What," replied the Marine, "and have you three Assholes report that I was the aggressor?
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Dec 22, 2006 0:50:59 GMT -5
An old prospector walked his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the Desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey . He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail .
As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a gunslinger walked out of the saloon . He had a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other hand. He looked at the old man and laughed .
Then he said "Hey old man. Have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at him and said "No I never did dance, I just never did want to".
A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said "Well you old fool you're gonna dance now". And he started shooting at the old man's feet. The old man was hopping around and every body was laughing. He fired his last bullet then holstered his gun and he turned around to go back into the saloon .
The old man reached up on the mule, got his shotgun, and pulled the hammer's back making a clicking sound . The gunslinger heard this and then every thing got quiet . He turned around and was looking at both barrels aimed at him .
The old man asked him " Did you ever kiss a mule right on the ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and then said "No...but I've always wanted to."
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Dec 24, 2006 10:49:54 GMT -5
Diplomacy A man walked into the produce section of this local supermarket and asked to buy a half head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager: "Some ass hole wants to buy a half head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the customer standing right behind him, and he quickly added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?" Wisconsin , sir" the boy replied. Well, why did you leave Wisconsin?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing up there but whores and football players!" Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Wisconsin ." No crap?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Jan 10, 2007 23:00:49 GMT -5
Man of the House....
For all those guys who are King, until their wife gets home.
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a
stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie. "And how did this one end?
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken-crap!"
Steve
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Post by Shorty Thompson on Jan 11, 2007 4:36:31 GMT -5
Elephant walks up to a naked man , looks at him , then laughs . He tells the naked man " That's cute ! But can you really breathe out of that thing " ?
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Post by stris141 on Jan 11, 2007 13:24:28 GMT -5
LOL
Steve
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Post by alienoutlaw on Jan 11, 2007 13:48:39 GMT -5
heres one George Bush
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Post by Shorty Thompson on Jan 12, 2007 18:39:50 GMT -5
>>>They Grow Them Big in Texas >>> >>>A Texan is drinking in a New York bar, when he gets a call on his cell >>>phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of >>>drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just >>>produced a baby boy weighing 15 pounds. >>> >>>Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 15 pounds, but the >>>Texan just shrugs, "That's about average down home, folks. Like I said, >>>"My boy's a typical Texas baby boy." Congratulations showered him from >>>all around, and many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman >>>actually faints due to sympathy pains. >>> >>>Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're >>>the father of that typical Texas baby that weighed 15 pounds at birth, >>>aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two >>>weeks. We were gonna call you. So... How much does he weigh now?" The >>>proud father answers, "11 pounds." The bartender is puzzled, and >>>concerned. "What happened? He weighed 15 pounds the day he was born! >>> >>>The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, >>>wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly >>>says, "Had him circumcised. >>>__________________________________
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Post by stris141 on Jan 13, 2007 13:54:24 GMT -5
LOL I thought that's what might have happened.
Steve
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Post by Shorty Thompson on Jan 17, 2007 20:03:23 GMT -5
I got this 1 from Gary Falls ;
This is TOO cute not to pass on . . . > > > > This one is for everyone who . > a) has kids, b) had kids, c) was a kid, > d) knows a kid e) is going to have kids. > > > I guess that means all of us!! > > > > > > DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS . > > I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was > having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, > look at this", and stuck out two of her fingers. > > Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers > in > my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat > them. > > > > Went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the > bed > staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. > > I said, "What's wrong, honey?" > > She replied, What happened to my booger?
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Post by stris141 on Jan 18, 2007 10:11:05 GMT -5
Ole's New Cow
Ole is a farmer in Minnesota He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota' for you non-Scandanavians out there).
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and takes a look at the cow. Then he reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls ..... the cow farts. Ole pauses, looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, and reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat and pulls ... and the cow farts again.
Milk does come out however, so after a brief negotiation with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home. When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens." Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts. Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?" Ole is surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip and replies, "Yah, dats right But how did you know?"
Sven says, "My wife is from Nordakota"
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Jan 20, 2007 12:46:39 GMT -5
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
Steve
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Post by Shorty Thompson on Jan 23, 2007 20:40:00 GMT -5
Go to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00 Coffee: $1.00 Total: $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 19) Remember drain plug from step 11. 20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 21) Drink beer. 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame. 25) Begin cussing fit. 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. 28) Beer. 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 30) Beer. 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 32) Beer. 33) Lower car from jack stands. 34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps. 35) Beer. 36) Test drive car. 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 38) Car gets impounded. 39) Call loving wife, make bail. 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $20.00 Total $4,145.00 (But you know the job was done right!) SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH...... AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT....
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Post by stris141 on Jan 24, 2007 0:56:23 GMT -5
> It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was > almost zero when Lena got off work. She made her way to her car and > wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it > warmed up and thought about her situation. She remembered Ole's advice > that if she got caught in a blizzard, she should wait for a snow plow to > come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow > drift. This made Lena feel much better and sure enough in a little > while, a snow plow went by, and she started to follow it. As she > followed the snow plow, she was feeling very smug as they continued, and > she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After > quite sometime had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow > stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled her > to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was > all right, as she had been following him for a long time. She said that > she was fine and told him of Ole's advice to follow a snow plow when > caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him, and > she could continue if she wanted...but he was done with the Wal-Mart > parking lot and was going over to Kmart next.
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Jan 24, 2007 9:42:10 GMT -5
Newest Irish Joke..................... Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
Steve
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Post by Shorty Thompson on Jan 25, 2007 18:20:48 GMT -5
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says " Your butt is really getting big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue grill"
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, i was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue grill! "
The woman chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, the husband was feeling frisky. he made some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks her.
She answers: " Do you really think i am going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
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