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Post by stris141 on Jun 28, 2006 0:18:12 GMT -5
Medicare Health Insurance, in a nutshell:
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."
"Mrs. Ward, please." "Speaking"
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's"
"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Jun 28, 2006 13:35:14 GMT -5
> Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners > > 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. > 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at > them. > 3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. > 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, > it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral > home. > > ***DINING OUT *** > > 1. If drinking directly from the bot tle, always hold it > with your fingers covering the label. > > 2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the > restaurant may not have dogs. > > ***ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME *** > > 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything > prepared by a taxidermist. > > 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good > his manners are. > > ***PERSONAL HYGIENE *** > > 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job > that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. > 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several > days, however, if you live alone, deodorant is a just waste of > money. > 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as > they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste > of finger foods. > > ***DATING (Outside the Family) *** > > 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the > first date. > > 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been > wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the > bathroom wall two years ago." > > 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. > Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter > is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to > school on time. > > 4. Always have a positive comment about your date's > appearance, such as, "ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad." > > ***WEDDINGS *** > > 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift. > 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. > 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a > cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an > appearance. > 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this > special occasion. > 5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife > is in the sack. > > ***DRIVING ETIQUETTE *** > > 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if > the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. > > 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the > largest tires always has the right of way. > > 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. > > 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is > impolite to ask her to bring back beer. > > 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially > when driving. > > 6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession > > **TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER*** > > 1. All the DNA is the same. > 2. There are no dental records.
Steve
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Post by crash21 on Jun 28, 2006 20:37:16 GMT -5
Thatfirst one really hits home. Get this, I showed up for my job interview at 6:00 pm, after the dealership closed. After introducing myself and the service manager introduced himself, he asked if I minded if he drank a beer during the interview. I said no, so he did. needless to say, I really like where I work.
Crash 21
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Post by stris141 on Jun 29, 2006 12:40:31 GMT -5
LOL Sounds like a laied-back place!
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Jul 4, 2006 11:01:58 GMT -5
>A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two >new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by >saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. >Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like >that?" >"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're watch >dogs!"
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Jul 10, 2006 9:53:27 GMT -5
DRIVE HOME ON A COLD NIGHT A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?" He says, "O.K. Get in the car with it." "Where shall I put it to get it warm?" He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there. "But what about the smell?" "Just hold its nose." The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Jul 12, 2006 14:02:23 GMT -5
A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but he couldn't get a clear picture of the problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"And how did she look?"
"Oh boy, she looked very angry!"
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere. "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex. That seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?"
"She was watching us through the window."
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Jul 15, 2006 11:53:45 GMT -5
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around > > Home Depot when they collide. > > > > > > The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking > > for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was > going." > > > > The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for > > my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." > > > > The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does > > your wife look like?" > > > > The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, > > blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing a tank top and > tight > > white shorts. What does your wife look like?" > > The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Jul 21, 2006 9:11:05 GMT -5
> > A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a > > glass of champagne. > > > > The woman perks up and says, > > > > "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" > > > > "What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me. I'm > > celebrating." > > > > "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the > > woman. > > > > "What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, > > > > "What are you celebrating?" > > > > "My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my > > gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!" > > > > "What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. > > For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying > > fertilized eggs." > > > > "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?" > > > > " switched cocks," he replied. > > > > She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!" > >
Steve
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Post by crash21 on Jul 21, 2006 17:48:34 GMT -5
Now THAT'S funny.
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Post by stris141 on Jul 22, 2006 14:12:41 GMT -5
I thought so! LOL
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Jul 25, 2006 10:00:07 GMT -5
> > A Minnesota native was on holiday in Kenya. While he > > was walking through the bush, he came across an elephant standing with > one > > leg raised in the air. > > > > The elephant seemed distressed so the man > > approached it very carefully. He got down on one > > knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply > > embedded in the bottom of the foot. > > > > As carefully and as gently as he could he removed > > the thorn and the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant > turned > > to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. > For > > a good ten minutes the man stood frozen -- thinking of nothing else but > > being trampled. > > > > Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. > > > > For years after, the man remembered the elephant and the events of that > > day. One day the man was walking through the Minnesota zoo with his son. > As > > they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and > > walked over to where they are standing at the rail. It stared at him and > the > > man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. > > > > After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him. > > > > The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the > > railing and made his way into the enclosure. He > > walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. > > > > Suddenly the elephant lifted it's leg, trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk > > around one of the man's legs and > > swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, > > killing him. > > > > Probably wasn't the same elephant.
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Aug 27, 2006 12:01:13 GMT -5
The doctor said, "Bill, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Bill was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."Bill laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Bill tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.
As Bill admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Bill thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Bill and said, "Let's see 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
Bill was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Bill tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Bill walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Bill thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Bill laughed, "Ah ha! I got you; I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
New suit - $400 New shirt - $36 New underwear - $6
Second Opinion -PRICELESS
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Aug 28, 2006 23:44:21 GMT -5
>> One dark night outside a small town in Saskatchewan, >> a fire started inside the local sausage plant and in a >> blink it exploded into massive flames. >> The alarm went out to all the fire departments from >> miles around. >> When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the >> scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire >> chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the >> vault in the center of the plant. >> &nb sp; They must be saved and I will give $50,000 to the >> fire department that brings them out intact." >> But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. >> Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the >> situation became desperate. >> As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out >> that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who >> could bring out the company's secret files. >> From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another >> fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Wakaw rural >> township volunteer fire department composed mainly of >> Polish Firefighters over the age of 65. >> To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire >> engine, operated by these Polish Firefighters, passed fire >> engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into >> the middle of the inferno. >> Outside, the other firemen watched as the Polish old >> timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a >> performance and effort never seen before. >> Within a short time, the Wakaw old timers had >> extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. >> The grateful sausage company president joyfully >> announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping >> the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank >> each of the brave, though elderly, Polish firefighters. >> The local TV news reporters rushed in after >> capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to >> do with all that money?" >> "Vell," said Stanley Polaski, the 70-year-old fire >> chief, "da furst thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat >> focking truck."
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Sept 6, 2006 10:12:29 GMT -5
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (Written by kids) (1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10 (2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. - Kristen, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? (1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. - Camille, age 10 (2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. - Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age) HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? (1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR M U M AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? (1) Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? (1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure) (2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. - Martin, age 10 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? (1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -Craig, age 9 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? (1) When they're rich. - Pam, age 7 (2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - Curt, age 7 (3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. - Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? (1) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9 (bless you child) HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? (1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favourite is........ HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? (1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. - Ricky, age 10
Steve
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tude
Dog
custom fit hammered and bent
Posts: 76
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Post by tude on Sept 6, 2006 11:35:25 GMT -5
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? (1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8 And the #1 Favourite is........ HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? (1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. - Ricky, age 10 Steve where do you come up with this stuff its like the priceless pictures at wallmart for $19.95 also like a sore peter ya cant beat it LOL ;D
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Post by stris141 on Sept 7, 2006 15:19:53 GMT -5
Tude, I just get this stuff from friends. I've always loved jokes and humor, so I try and pass on the good ones. Chris, What's Everclear? Sounds like some kind of varnish or something.LOL And I've heard, that if you drink a big glass of milk before/after you drink, it helps. I know the worst hangover I ever had, while I was in the Navy. I had the watch the next morning. I ended up drinking about a gallon of milk, durning the watch. By the time the four hours were up, I felt much better! But I also don't drink anymore.LOL
Steve
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Post by Shorty Thompson on Sept 7, 2006 17:17:00 GMT -5
lmao ! I know that feeling stris . after a 6 pack I'm hugging the porcelain god , another that doesn't drink .
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tude
Dog
custom fit hammered and bent
Posts: 76
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Post by tude on Sept 7, 2006 20:30:14 GMT -5
mmmmm i love beer mmmmmmmm
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Post by chris426 on Sept 7, 2006 22:26:45 GMT -5
everclear, it's grain alcohol, like almost pure alky..... like 190 proof i think
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Post by stris141 on Sept 8, 2006 15:20:12 GMT -5
Is that what you run, in your 1/4 mile car? Steve ;D
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tude
Dog
custom fit hammered and bent
Posts: 76
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Post by tude on Sept 8, 2006 23:37:54 GMT -5
ive heard of guys putting everclear in there pulling mowers around here, that was when i was younger and my freinds were even younger than me (under 16) there parents would get it for them pour a little bit in and they would help "dispose of the rest"
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Post by stris141 on Sept 9, 2006 13:03:36 GMT -5
>>>Giovani is in this country for only 6 months. >>>He walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store. >>> >>>Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli >>>leather >>>shoes. >>>He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about. >>>After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and >>>purchases >>>them. >>>Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the >>>church >>>basement. >>>Giovani seizes this opportunity to wear his new Boccelli leather >>>shoes for >>>the first time. >>>He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, >>>"Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?" >>> >>>Startled, Sophia replies, >>>"Yes, Giovani, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you >>>know?" >>>Giovani answers, >>>"I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes. How >>>do you like >>>them?" >>>Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, >>>"Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?" >>>Rosa answers, >>>"Yes, Giovani, I do, but how do you know that?" >>>He replies, >>>"I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes. >>>How do you like them?" >>>Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being >>>played, >>>Giovani asks Carmela to dance. >>>Midway through the dance his face turns red. >>>He states, "Carmela, be stilla my heart, please, please tell me >>>you wear no >>>panties tonight, please, please, tella me this true!" >>>Carmela smiles coyly and answers, >>>"Yes Giovani, I wear no panties tonight." >>>Giovani gasps, >>>"Thanka God .. >>> >>> >>>I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Boccelli leather shoes!"
Steve
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Post by chris426 on Sept 11, 2006 14:25:22 GMT -5
lol, no steve i'm not quiet that crazy
the other day i picked this girl up at the truck stop and she said i'll take you around the world for a hundred dollars, i gave her a 5 and she asked me what the hell that was for and i told her just take me to california,,
i got arrested the other night for running through town naked, cops asked me why i was running down the street naked, and i told em i was at a party, and sumbody suggested all the girls take off their clothes, then sumbody suggested all the guys take off their clothes, and then turned out the lights and sed alright let's go to town, so i guess i was just the first one gettin here
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Post by stris141 on Sept 12, 2006 9:59:39 GMT -5
Old but good ones Chris! LOL
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Sept 13, 2006 9:37:37 GMT -5
A Husband took his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place. A broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window and my bottle"
"Uh... yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself. "
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life as well!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"
Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"No Kidding," he said. Thirty-five years old..... and both of you still believe in genies?"
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Oct 3, 2006 12:35:05 GMT -5
More of Murphy's lesser known laws
Light travels faster than sound.?This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule:?Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.?Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
Flashlight:? A case for holding dead batteries.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong.?A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself In the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. If you only go around once in life, twice will be enough.
Steve
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Post by Amy F. on Oct 14, 2006 10:30:20 GMT -5
Not a joke, but it's pretty damn funny, anyway!! lol ;D I read this on one of AOL's news reports. Enjoy!! OTTAWA (Oct. 13) - Canadian troops fighting Taliban militants in Afghanistan have stumbled across an unexpected and potent enemy -- almost impenetrable forests of 10-feet-high marijuana plants. General Rick Hillier, chief of the Canadian defense staff, said on Thursday that Taliban fighters were using the forests as cover. In response, the crew of at least one armored car had camouflaged their vehicle with marijuana. "The challenge is that marijuana plants absorb energy, heat very readily. It's very difficult to penetrate with thermal devices ... and as a result you really have to be careful that the Taliban don't dodge in and out of those marijuana forests," he said in a speech in Ottawa. "We tried burning them with white phosphorous -- it didn't work. We tried burning them with diesel -- it didn't work. The plants are so full of water right now ... that we simply couldn't burn them," he said. Even successful incineration had its drawbacks. "A couple of brown plants on the edges of some of those (forests) did catch on fire. But a section of soldiers that was downwind from that had some ill effects and decided that was probably not the right course of action," Hillier said dryly. One soldier told him later: "Sir, three years ago before I joined the army, I never thought I'd say 'That damn marijuana'." 10/13/06 08:51 ET
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Post by stris141 on Oct 14, 2006 14:51:20 GMT -5
LOL
Steve
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Post by stris141 on Oct 16, 2006 13:10:12 GMT -5
A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops!
Steve
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